Just fell off a train. Bad.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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