i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
