wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
