the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
