I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
