I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
