She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
