marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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