just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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