this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
