then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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