That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
