I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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