Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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