Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
