I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
