I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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