Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
