She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
