so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
