I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
