New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
