Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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