I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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