Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
