i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love you. Go after that dick
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
