when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
