if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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