it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
