just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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