Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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