got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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