Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
