I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
