I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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