That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
