I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
