It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
