I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
