he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
