I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
