dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
