She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
These tits shall not be calmed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
