I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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