too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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