When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
