he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
