So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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