At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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