so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
