she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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