I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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