So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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